“Where could I go from your Spirit? Where could I run and hide from your face?” Ps 139:7 TPT
What do you do, when all of Heaven conspires against you with the unlimited goodness, tenderness, and loving kindness of the Father? I don’t know about you, but I ran, and ran as hard as I could.
You see, I didn’t believe I was worth it. Not worth the price Jesus paid for me. Nor the trouble and patience and investment that God declared and set aside for me before I had breath. Not worth the effort and kindness that would be required to get through to my thick head. The voices and noise and din of that lie try and quench the truth that He planted in my heart – that I am His Beloved.
So I ran, or at least tried to for a while. I balked at His revelations in my early training, choosing safe identities my head could wrap itself around. When Papa placed my unspoken core identity into my circumstances, I would ignore it, deny it, or pretend to not hear Him. He loved me anyways. God just kept watering and nurturing and caring for the seeds of love He had planted in my heart.
God didn’t deal with my head, but focused on the place where His deepest truth lay bare and open within me. He focused on my heart, where I was fully aligned, connected, and embracing everything. He lovingly conspired against me with, forever for my good. Papa had transformed my heart, and knew something that my head didn’t realize. My legs are attached to my heart, not my head.
Sure enough, over the next year and a bit, a funny thing happened. My heart and legs started conspiring with Him against my own head. Instead of running away from everything God was working for my good, I found myself running full-force into the midst of it. Head would holler at Heart: “How the heck did we get here?!?” Heart would just smile, and reply: “Ask Legs, I’m just here pumping.” God is WAY more creative, sneaky, persistent, and lovingly-mischievous than you can ever imagine. Your old self is going to loose, along with your head and old ways. My advice is to surrender now into His loving embrace. Love who He sees you to be, because there is nothing more beautiful to Him. You are “it”, and He is “all in”.
There are still days I stumble about in the dark of my own making. Where my eyes are squeezed tightly shut and my head responds to the cries of lies. Yet, on those days, my heart just continues to beat because it is not phased by nor convinced of anything but the Truth of Life and Love. Jesus placed that within me during the miracle remaking of my new creation self. Heart is radiantly in love with Him, and frankly, forever fond of Head too.
“See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on, and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting ways – the path that brings me back to You.” Ps 139:24
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